A Torrent of Consciousness

Things have been pretty busy around these parts the past two weeks. As you may have noticed, since I haven't posted jack nor shit in a while. We have been having Grace over 2-3 times a week, and while the company is great it does keep me from doing my normal routine. I don't even look at my phone as much when we have company over because I'm usually bugging whoever is staying with us instead of tweeting.

While having Grace over was a little bit more stressful than not doing that, I have otherwise just reached a sort of emotional limit. I have officially sent an email about a therapist, which I ought to have done years ago. It's just really scary. Opening up to people around me is already hard, now I am supposed to do that with a total stranger? Yeesh. But I do think it will ultimately be for the better. I have been carrying plenty of shit with me that I would love to set aside even just a little bit.

I have mostly been playing Marvel Rivals and working. I did put out two podcasts, though! Journal Updated is a podcast I do with Molly (of Reprise, Eidolon, etc fame). Every month we play a video game and talk about it. This month was Too Human! One of the great flops of gaming, Too Human began its life as a ps1 game before spending the next 9 years bouncing between iterations, publishers, and platforms. We had a good conversation about it, I think! I was also on the premium Abnormal Mapping podcast VoIP Life, where my wife and I were given two hours to explain Brandon Sanderson's Cosmere to our friend Em. It was a great time! I could have gone one for twice that time. As their most premium of premium pods, VoIP is behind the paywall and is worth every penny every time.

It does feel good to release podcasts again. It can sometimes feel like I never get anything done. And I don't get nearly as much done as I used to. I used to record so many podcasts. I just don't have the energy anymore. I gotta unwind a bit when I'm not at work. My job isn't that crazy but it really does wear me the fuck out every shift. It's discouraging! I want to do more with my life than just work and get ready for work. That's what this blog is, if you think about it. Anything worth doing is worth half-assing; even if you half-ass it, at least it gets done. Even if I go a week and a half without posting, I'm still posting.

Oh, did you hear the Pillows broke up? Bummer. Great band.

We played the first real session of our Veil campaign a few days back, so here's a summary! The pitch for the setting, and a description of our characters, can be found here.

In the University, Magnanimous sneaks through strange rooms and hallways. She's feeling rebellious and wants to get into a little bit of trouble, so she attempts to break into the laboratory used by one of her teachers. Maggie flunked out of the magical side of what the University teaches, but as a noblewoman and daughter to a Councilor, she has access to more mundane education.

She finds something odd: a mirror that transports her to another room entirely, one filled with statues. One statue is actually a suit of armor holding a sword that Maggie is seemingly entranced by. She takes the sword from the armor, despite the armor's hand remaining clutched around the hilt. As she examines it, a newcomer arrives.

Raelus tries to steal the sword, claiming it's too dangerous for a wizard's apprentice. She keeps the sword away from him, moving with unnatural speed. As they start to bicker, the suit of armor that had held the sword begins to stir as Screaming Freedom awakens. Footsteps drive the trio to seek an exit, and Maggie uses the sword to take them to a new room. As they examine their surroundings they find a door that opens into nothing but open air. Below them they see the Dreadlands, and realize the room they stand in is floating in the air, as if part of a tower that crumbled out from beneath it.

Raelus uses Essence, which we defined as a particular gemstone called (by humans) draconite, to cause the room to (slowly) fall and crumble as it ought to have, essentially turning it into a fucked up elevator. The trio now find themselves in a bizarre dreamscape of overlapping and collapsing planes. They seek shelter in a modern-era bar, and try to make some dinner. Raelus finds some strange money and a bottle of painkillers. When he examines it, he can sense a memory of it being offered to a customer after a bad breakup. Raelus takes that memory and the bottle it's tied to, and sacrifices them to the Dreadlands. By this method, he can keep the place stable enough that, in time, some of it may be mended. The process destroys the object in question; not just in the present, but from time itself. As it's destroyed, the bar morphs into a normal (to our fantasy characters) tavern. Glass becomes wood, manufactured bottles become handmade. The world the painkillers came from no longer exists. No longer will exist.

Throughout all this, Raelus and Maggie bicker. He talks a big game about the dangers of the sword and reprimands her for having allowed it to establish a bond with her. She is haughty, and he is vain. A match made in Heaven. Screaming Freedom answers questions about her personhood from Raelus and Maggie, explaining that what she is, what was done to her, was done intentionally, but that it hadn't worked out the way it was supposed to. She doesn't remember who it was that planned this, but she knows that they loved each other.

Maggie finds a store of pickles, preserves, and hardtack in the cellar, and Screaming Freedom begins preparing a meal. Raelus offers his help, and the two realize that they have something in common: they both learned to cook by doing it with someone who they loved and lost. Maggie apologizes for her earlier outbursts, and the heroes rest the night.

That night, Screaming Freedom keeps watch. She paces outside, pondering her existence, when she realizes something is approaching--a wizard, most likely. She slips inside to hide, and the wizard doesn't spot her. In the morning, she recounts the encounter to the group. They all decide that avoiding this wizard would be best, as it was likely their theft in the University which prompted the flyover. Maggie asks Raelus why he wanted the sword, and he admits that he intended to destroy it by sacrificing it to the Dreadlands. Now that it's bonded to her, however, he's decided to keep an eye on her; he just wants to get home. Screaming Freedom has a strange intuition about Raelus, and decides she will follow him in turn, as he may be related to her sense of grim purpose.

As the trio begin their trek back to the stable lands in the north, they must first climb out of a massive ravine crossed by myriad stone bridges. As they travel, they hear a booming voice in their minds: the wizard, one of Maggie's teachers, has found them...

We made our Veil guys!! I'm soooo excited to play. As I said before we are playing the Veil by Fraser Simons, but setting it in a high fantasy world rather than a cyberpunk one. This is because most of our group is fantasy girlies, and our GM really likes the emotion system in the Veil way more than she does the actual setting (such that it is).

In our setting, magic was controlled and taught only by a grand order of wizards, who controlled who could access the art. A group of sorcerers and witches conspired to tear down the Veil, a barrier that separated the material plane from the ethereal plane. In doing so, they collapsed both planes onto each other. This had many myriad effects on the world, but common belief is that this event is what led to magic being attainable by anyone, rather than select noble bloodlines (this is in fact a lie that the grand order of wizards used to maintain political power).

Autumn is playing Magnanimous, nickname Mag. She's a bratty noblewoman who feels bad for the lower classes and how they are treated, but doesn't really have a concrete ideology to guide any action toward addressing those injustices. She's bonded to an evil sword, using the Attached playbook.

Grace is playing Screaming Freedom, nickname Dom. She used to be human, but something changed her and bound her spirit to a suit of armor. Now she has almost no memory of her previous life other than the phrase "you will be there, screaming freedom." She knows she is burdened with a grim and valorous purpose, but doesn't know what that purpose is; all she knows is that she is struck with intuition at times, and believes that intuition to be a sign of that purpose. She's using the Apparatus playbook.

I am playing Raelusondr, nickname Raelus Maro. He's a dragon who was trapped in a humanoid form when the Veil fell. The continent in the south was was home to the dragons, and was considered sacred; now, it collapses into other planes even beyond the ethereal, and that destruction is spreading. Raelus nurses a deep resentment toward humanity for their part in destroying his homeland, but his true beef is that the reason he had been in that humanoid form at the time was that he had fallen in love with a human wizard. She tried to prevent the Veil's destruction, and the sorcerers and witches who tore it down killed her for it. Now Raelus is joyless and jaded, dedicated to patching up what are now known as the Dreadlands while carrying the tragedy of his mortal lover in his heart. Raelus uses the Wayward playbook.

The trio came together one night when both Raelus and Mag tried to steal the evil sword from a wizard vault; Mag got there first, and found it clutched in the hands of a suit of armor. When she took the sword, having been lured to it by vague whispers, it bonded to her and refused to be parted. It was at that point that the suit of armor activated, revealing itself to be Dom. Raelus arrived late, furious that a meddling noble had gotten her hands on such a dangerous artifact before he could steal it and bend it to his own will. He resolved to stay at Mag's side, so as to keep an eye on the sword and its desires. Dom, for her part, felt a peculiar intuition about Raelus, and decided that she will follow him even as he follows Mag. And thus, a trio of weirdos became an adventuring party!

I'm so excited to play this game, and I really like how our characters came out. Hopefully we get to play soon!

Tonight I am coming back up from a particularly persistent bout of melancholy. Nothing really caused it, I suppose. Maybe it was having to end my lovely date with my girlfriend to go to work until midnight. Maybe it's the workload I've given myself for the month. I have to play Too Human for a podcast, Neverwinter Nights for another podcast, and read Foundation and Empire for a third podcast. On top of anything else I want to do, such as read Yumi & the Nightmare Painter and Warbreaker to finish off the Cosmere finally. So many things to do in 31 days. Granted, the Foundation book I have to read by this weekend, not the end of the month like the others.

I'm also still struggling with...well I suppose you can say faith. I don't know. That's the main problem actually; not knowing. Not not knowing whether or not God exists. I've never been able to consider an alternative, even at my most distant from religion, to the existence of God. I hadn't realized it until lately, but that belief has stuck in me, somewhere. My issue with my ongoing exploration of faith is more that I don't really know what I want out of it.

I was thinking back on that Moonshine Mass from last month. It was touching, really touching. I felt overwhelmed, both by my shyness and by the vibes. Singing is something I'm intensely uncomfortable doing, particularly with others around. That really did a number on my ability to participate in the Moonshine Mass itself, as I felt incapable of raising my voice even a little bit. I was gripped by a visceral fear because I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to sing, I wanted to pray. But I couldn't. It feels so vulnerable to explore faith, to talk about it. It chafes at my heart. Every instinct is telling me to clam up, to adopt a detached demeanor so that I can keep distance from it all.

I should talk to a therapist about this. Or a priest. I've been recommended both.

Hey should I make an alt on bsky? I kinda want to even though they aren't doing locked accounts right now. But you know how much I love making new names for myself.

The following is a summary of a Pathfinder 2e game I occasionally play. The GM for this game usually takes over for a half dozen sessions every year or so, and we just finished the second chunk of it. We started at level 5 in our summer 2023 season, and our winter 2024 season saw us at level 6. I've done my best to include the full story from both seasons.

The world shakes. The beacons are lit, the seal undone. Rovagug comes.

The Rough Beast was sealed away long ago, its endless hunger too dangerous to be allowed to exist. Four beacons held him at bay, placed on confluences of powerful arcane ley lines. Two here, and two on the other side of the world. We were supposed to ensure that they were not activated, and we failed. I failed.

In an inn near the Jergal River, I received a vision; a divine revelation. The goddess Desna, Song of the Spheres, appeared to me in a dream. She revealed to me a secret truth of our world's history: Long ago, gods clashed when Dou-Bral became jealous of the relationship between his sister Shelyn and the goddess Calistria. Dou-Bral struck first, sundering Shelyn's hand; Calistria's vengeance was characteristically swift, as she cast him from the heavens.

Then Desna showed me a group of heroes:

Hunter Kilgore, an investigator from Heathfolk lands
Harka Danja, a hobgoblin veteran and expert tracker
Rynupi, a young tripkee warrior yearning for greatness

With them were the heirs to the royal throne itself:

Princess Genevieve, Pulse of the Earth
Prince Zach, Breath of the Air

With them I saw another, a redhead, who gave us passage. I took these revelations to my companion Nes-Anhur, a minotaur cleric and divine incarnation of the sun god Ra. When we returned to the inn that evening to find almost that entire group resting for the evening, I knew it was our duty to help them.

The Prince was with them, but not the Princess. I soon learned their story: the group had been sent by the Body and Blood, reigning monarchs of the kingdom, to escort the Prince to a site called a beacon, whereupon they were intended to undergo a ritual that would heal the Body and Blood of their sickness. Instead, what they discovered was an ancient plot. The Body and Blood had been alive for many, many years, sending their children in secret to die in this very ritual to sustain themselves, and to create perfect vessels for Dou-Bral, now the dark god Zon-Kuthon, to return to the world. The Princess, led by different guards, was sent to a different beacon for the same purpose.

Along the way, the group was attacked by another, more mysterious faction: the Revivalists. These were shapeshifters intent on integrating their influence into all levels of the kingdom's government, and they seemed at odds with the Body and Blood's plans. We would soon find out their true intent: reviving not Zon-Kuthon, as we first suspected, but weakening the seal that held back Rovagug.

Originally these travelers had been joined by two others, but had parted ways with them after Harka killed the Body and Blood for their crimes. One of the former members of the group, a woman named Red, had been enraged at this, as she had been a vampire intending to take the Body and Blood's accrued power for herself. She and the kitsune sorcerer Waisetsu, a childhood friend of the Prince's, remained at the beacon to study it for their own benefit while the rest of the group set out to find the Princess.

So we joined them. We traveled to the city of Ifreetes, where we caught word of a kidnapped woman in noble dress. We pursued the lead, but met with failure. Instead of the Princess, we discovered her guards. Brink, a tiefling with a scarred face; Helena, a necromancer with a skeletal arm. We found them underneath an abandoned temple once dedicated to Achaekek, He Who Walks in Blood. After saving them from that foul place, we helped them find shelter in the temple of Ra and set out again.

The mayor of Ifreetes was under intense surveillance by the Revivalists, but she managed to tip us off about an ambush at the oasis between Ifreetes and the beacon. On our way out of the city we were approached by a woman who claimed to know Nes-Anhur; the true nature of the "divine incarnation" of Ra is seemingly not public knowledge, but Ra deigned to reveal to Nes that he had died in the desert, pleading with Ra to protect his family. In exchange, Nes was reborn and put to work toward to sun god's many plans. Nes chose not to pursue his old family, instead rededicating himself to the mission at hand. At the oasis we struck first, annihilating the Revivalists and learning the truth of their motives. They also revealed that the Princess, as we suspected, had been taken by force to the beacon.

When we finally arrived at the second beacon, we were beset by an enchantment that made us face our greatest fears. Despite all my practice, all my preparation, I was not ready to see my mother there in all her profane glory as Vernai of the Red Mantis assassins, holy killers devoted to Achaekek. But my faith brought me strength, and I rejected my past self. We rallied, then plunged ourselves into the mountainside to find the Princess.

Deep inside the caves, past undead warriors, we found it: an altar soaked in blood. We aided the Princess in a fight against Revivalists who regenerated their bodies unless harmed by silver, and barricaded ourselves in the room with the altar. A lammasu named Kratomir joined us, as he was the holy protector of the seal; though he was no combatant. We rested the night in that room, surrounded by death. Kratomir showed us the other beacons: two lit, sacrifices floating and glowing with profane light. One yet unlit, yet bloodied nonetheless as we saw Red and Waisetsu in a frantic duel, the altar at the first beacon between them, calling silently for death.

In the night, I approached Hunter. I asked about emotions, seeking to learn more about what I was feeling. For seven years Achaekek took from me any emotion or desire that would distract from my purpose as his perfect killer, and I had been feeling...unfamiliar things. Instead Hunter told me the same thing my mother would have. To ignore these feelings, and press them deep into myself. I know he's still hurting. He's lost someone dear to him, and he thinks he's inherently dangerous to those around him, so he keeps his feelings bottled up. I understand that impulse, at least; but I don't know if I can do that. I lived like that for so long, and it almost killed me. If I try again, it might succeed.

That morning, the Revivalists struck.

We fought, but it was to little avail. Though we did our best, the Revivalists chose to sacrifice themselves instead of fighting us, spilling their own blood on the foul altar. Then everything came crashing down.

I am a woman of many regrets. For seven years I was sanctified as Achaekek's holy assassin, and I ended more lives in those days than I feel I could ever save. Now, I see the seals breaking. I see my allies, my friends, struggling against the inevitable. I see the betrayal in the Prince's eyes that fills my chest with a choking shame. I fear the worst, now. I have tried to be the Radiant Prism's Champion-Redeemer, tried to bring mercy and redemption to the world. Instead I failed. Instead I wasn't strong enough to save anyone. I couldn't even find the courage to speak the truth in my heart.

I pray to Sarenrae, Dawnflower; Desna, Song of the Spheres; Shelyn, Eternal Rose. May they have mercy on me, as the Rough Beast chafes at its bonds. May they have mercy on us all.

We open with a vignette of Lyn & Avery. As Darkwood’s plot is carried out at the end of the first campaign, the Blood War spills into Sigil. Nes is organizing the Umbra-kai and Umbra Veil, splitting the greater communities up to move them to other safe havens in the city. Lyn is packing her things, which are mainly tools and clothes. Avery hovers nearby, anxious as to whether or not Lyn packed a family heirloom. Lyn says she did, and kisses Avery before leaving, promising that they would see each other again soon.

Devils attack the Gymnasium, and the pair joins Umbra-kai warrior Thrax and his two companions Trust and Draga in fighting to protect the Umbra-kai. Avery stands resolute in a doorway, facing off against a cambion in hellish armor. They cross blades for a time, but the cambion shatters her shield and knocks her sword aside.

Lyn, fighting with Thrust and Draga, sees the cambion grab Avery by the throat and lift her. She charges across the battle, scooping up Avery’s sword and plunging it into the devil’s side, The cambion removes the sword, and Lyn watches as his wound closes.

Thrax is struck down by devils as he tries to protect the others. The cambion casts out a blast of fire, and Draga takes the hit for Thrust. Amidst the despair, the cambion tosses Avery against the wall and kicks her sword to her. As she moves to strike, he invades her mind and stokes the pain in her heart, causing her to lash out at Lyn. Lyn reaches out to try and get through to Avery, but she swings her sword and cuts Lyn’s arm off.

Lyn screams, and Avery snaps back to her senses. Thrust engages the cambion, and Draga pulls himself along the ground to the broken pipes in the ceiling and walls that are leaking water and steam. He blesses the water, making it holy. Enraged by Lyn’s wound, Avery douses her blade in holy water and smites the devil.

In the aftermath, Avery cradles Lyn. Lyn is unresponsive, and Senna spirits her away to be healed while Trok helps calm Avery after the battle.

In the present day, Deidre Abraxas gives her pitch to the team: help her to track down and kill each of the six Dahlia bosses and pull the city out of their grasp, then take down Katzia Abraxis herself. The team is hesitant, but agrees to join her. She tells them that she knows many things about their personal lives, and promises them the things they want: a way back to the Beastlands for Grimulf, or the protection of a friend for Paz.

Deidre names the team the Shadows, and they set out to the Grand Bazaar with company cards to outfit themselves for the upcoming fights…


Shopping Interlude 1: Company Cards

The Shadows pick up a number of items for the missions to come, choosing from the finest stores in the Grand Bazaar. Each member of the team is given a card with a 1000 gold credit limit.

Lyn buys
A classy black dress, which counts as +1 padded armor. +1 street smarts.
A modified shotgun, which can fire both its barrels at once.
A bag of borrowing, which provides a generic item taken from somewhere else. It leaves an IOU note with your name and face on it.
A helm of clarification, which is a beanie that interprets other people's speech to explain the hidden nuance or euphemisms in their speech.
A +1 whip.
She also contributed 50 gold toward the team’s purchase of the Goggle Glass, which allow the two users to see each others’ perspectives.

Avery buys
The Raven Armor, a suit of plate mail meant to evoke the Raven Prince.
The vibranium buckler, a shield which can send the force of a hit back at an attacker.
A pearl of power.
She's currently in possession of one half of the Goggle Glass.

Grimulf buys
A scimitar of storms, which can cast gust of wind once a day.
The Punisher, a +1 studded leather duster that damages enemies who attempt to grapple the wearer.
He's currently in possession of one half of the Goggle Glass.

Paz buys
A butterfly cloak, which can cast blur once a day.
A spider staff, which can cast web once a day.
She also contributed 50 gold toward the team’s purchase of the Goggle Glass, which allow the two users to see each others’ perspectives.

Minx buys
A +2 tracking dagger, which allows the wielder to track a target it has injured.
She also contributed 50 gold toward the team’s purchase of the Goggle Glass, which allow the two users to see each others’ perspectives.

Today was pretty good! I had a wonderful time grabbing some brunch with my girlfriend, then we yapped for a while. I've been texting her about writing recently, and I would really like to feel more comfortable doing it. I like doing it, I like stories and the written word. For all I struggle to express myself by speaking, I feel like I can do so at least in part via writing. It's not perfect, but it can sometimes be sufficient.

One thing that trips me up every time is dialogue. I just don't feel comfortable doing dialogue. I can improv dialogue in a ttrpg just fine, and sometimes I even come up with cool lines. But writing it? Blows. It literally always feels stilted and awful. I can describe things forever. I can do action, I can do emotion. But dialogue specifically frustrates me to no end.

Below is a scene I started writing recently that I don't know how to continue. I know I want these fantasy characters to talk more before getting interrupted, but I just can't seem to find any words in me for them to say.

Sir Vincent Forrester winced as the prison doors closed with a clash of iron, punctuating his failure with a final full stop. While light entered the room through high windows, the air was stagnant and oppressive. He sighed, breaking the moment of silence that was the first to pass between him and the other prisoner since they had crossed paths nearly an hour ago.

He lifted his head, gazing through the bars at the cell opposite his own. It wasn’t truly his cell, though he was trapped in it. The two cells were large, furnished with one bench each and not really intended for long term occupancy. No, Vincent and his new acquaintance would be here for mere hours, then likely fined, beaten, or both in succession. The law in Arioch was strict, but swift. Perhaps the first allowed the former; the thought brought little comfort to the man caught in the gears.

His clothes, formerly fine and tailored perfectly, were covered in blood and soaked with water. His pants were fraying at one knee from nearly sliding down a street on it, and his shoes were caked with–at best–mud. He raised a hand, rings gleaming in the meager light as he swept the hair from his eyes.

“I hope you’re happy,” he said. He worked up a glare that was intended to smother all opposition, but they eyes he met were far from cowed. They were bright, and when they contracted in the sunbeam the irises reminded him of the flesh of some foreign blue fruit. They met his own gaze, and rolled back.

“You’re one of those people who just has to have the last word, aren’t you?”

The words were casual, nonchalant. But the woman before him couldn’t hide the edge on them. Her own clothes were in far better shape than Vincent’s; she had neglected to fall into the fountain he had. She wore plain trousers, a charred blouse that had lost the top two buttons in their fight (he refused to call it a duel), and boots that had held up surprisingly well given the circumstances.

He flexed his sword hand, feeling the fabric of his bandage shift. He wasn’t the only one who had been quickly patched up by the guardsmen, as his gaze dipped to the wound dressing on her shoulder. Those blue eyes narrowed in mockery. She likely thought that look to be one of desire, rather than respect. It was hard to admit it, but the thief had put up an impressive fight, even if it was a disgrace.

Vincent decided not to let the jab affect him. Words were a weapon of the weak. Instead, he leaned back against the stone wall behind him, which despite being basked in sunlight on its outside felt cool and solid against his aching body.

She had nearly beaten him. It was a close thing. If the royal guard hadn’t broken up their fight, hadn’t rescued him, who knows what might have happened?

I feel pretty confident in starting scenes, but I flounder after establishing them. Perhaps it is in part due to using tabletop rpgs as my primary means of storytelling; in such a game, you have to always keep elements open so that other players can contribute. But I can't really collaborate with myself in the same way.

Anyway. Other than that, not a lot has been going on beyond the usual. Work has been so draining lately. I really need to send that email to find a therapist.

What a week. I haven't necessarily been busy so much as just lacked motivation. That's kind of my whole deal though, so y'know. Mostly work has been okay, Wind and Truth have gotten me through a great number of otherwise obnoxious and difficult shifts. It's quite the book, isn't it? Maybe, just maybe...book too big? Is such a thing even possible? It may very well be; this thing is easily a full two or three seasons of TV (by today's standards). It's good, though. I'm on Day Seven as of now.

I have been tasked with explaining the Cosmere, and Brandon Sanderson broadly, to my dear friend Em in a few months. i would like to finish reading the Cosmere by then, and I only have three books left: Warbreaker, Yumi & the Nightmare Painter, and the Sunlit Man. Shouldn't be too difficult. After that I think I might start a Mistborn reread, especially if Molly and Luke are going to be reading it soon.

As the Mistborn fan of the friend group, I have to admit it's been close to ten years since I read Well of Ascension and Hero of Ages. I think ultimately the original trilogy is lower than Stormlight on my general ranking, but the second set, Era 2, is my favorite non-novella Cosmere shit. It's just cool! The guys are there!

I am going to post some more ttrpg stuff on here soon. I hope it's interesting? I have no idea. It's fun for me, though. Oh also I got into Marvel Rivals. That's part of where I've been the past week. As for the moroseness that was the subject of my previous blog post, nothing has changed all that much; however, spending time with my friends has kept me afloat.

Earlier this week Grace and I went to something called a Moonshine Mass on the steps of a local church. I expected it to be way more church-related than it was. Instead we shared a few mugs of mulled wine, did some singing, and burned slips of paper on which we have written the things we want to leave behind in the coming year. Then more singing.

It was nice! I haven't been to church much since starting this new fascination with religion, and when I do go I always feel a lot of emotions and can't always understand all of them. I got a little bit of that at this thing. Singing is so intimate to me, it feels really difficult to share it with anyone. It's uncomfortable, but it is something I'd like to pursue more.

We also had a little sip of moonshine at the thing along with this chocolate cranberry bread. I haven't had moonshine in years, but I do always like it. Tasty.

Yesterday Wind and Truth came out, so that's basically all I've been thinking about this whole time. I'm full on Brandonpilled. I'm Cosmeremaxing. My mind is awash in possibilities and thoughts of these little blorbos I like so much. I love Shallan. She's the homie. Also, Kaladin fucking Stormblessed. It's sooo funny that Kaladin Stormblessed is called that PRIOR to his miraculous survival after being tied to the outside of a building during a hurricane. It's because he's lucky. He picked up the name in the military before he was a slave.

Wind and Truth has been so fun so far though. I'm obsessed with this fuckin world and these fuckin characters. Apparently when Brandon Sanderson first imagined the Stormlight Arhive, it was only five books long and this book would have been the last. And it still is the end of an arc, so it's going to hit like a truck still. I have been reading these books since 2015. I's almost been ten fuckin years of this guy. I'm bought in on Cosmere shit I think it's safe to say...

Hark! I am back. What a weird weekend. So I asked off for Friday through Monday, which I didn't really need. But it worked out because Friday I had a nice date. Saturday we drove up to Michigan, had lunch, and I had an impromptu game of Pathfinder that I didn't know was scheduled. I managed just fine with my headphones and the Pathbuilder app, though I didn't roll higher than a 7 except to resist our guest character's bard doing some enthralling music shit. It was a good session though! I got to recite a portion of my character's tragic backstory, we rescued some NPCs, it was a whole deal. Fun stuff.

Anyway Sunday we were going to have a nice dinner, but those plans fell through so we ended up just leaving a day early and coming home Sunday night. That was goated honestly. I love to cancel plans. I was a little bummed at first but getting to go home early was sooooo clutch after how bad I slept the night before. The couch we were on did technically fold out into a bed, but not a comfy one. Anyway we got home, got weed, and fucking chilled.

Then Monday! The day we were supposed to drive was instead a last day of vacation. I mostly played Oblivion that day, I'm making pretty good progress on it. I think I could finish it next time I get the chance to sit down with it. Hung out with some friends on discord in the evening, then that was that for our vacation!

Today went by soooooooo fast. Work was one of those days where I have enough to do and few enough distractions that I was just plucking away at my tasks instead of bemoaning the time. I will have even more to do tomorrow, too! Primo day for audiobooks/podcasts coming up as I switch from my normal task (stocking shelf) to my preferred task (replacing price tags at the end of a sale cycle). I just love putting in a podcast and doing the same thing with my hand one thousand times.

Bright spots of the past few days were definitely my date before the trip, my wife making soup yesterday, and weirdly my father-in-law's bread pudding. I guess there's one thing that guy can do that makes people around him happy and it's bread pudding. Who would have thought.

Anyway today I have started in earnest creating my next ttrpg guy! This week is the denouement of this particular arc of our Blades in the Dark game after we brought Eadda back to life last time. Also we killed our vampire boss. After we do a little more wrap-up and loose ends, we are putting this campaign on the shelf for a little while to play another game; we've settled on the Veil, which is normally a cyberpunk game. We're shifting it to a fantasy game instead, because I wanna go on an adventure dammit! I'm playing the Onomastic, and I'm still figuring out what this character's deal is...what cool order were they a part of...In our version the "Veil" in the setting isn't a digital realm at all but rather the ethereal plane collapsed into the material. Sounds like plenty of room for some weird fuckin guys in there. I'm excited!